Forgiveness

Over the last 6 days I have been traveling with a group from St. Pauls Episcopal Church through England learning about the history of the Anglican Church. It has been a wonderfully fulfilling trip. The history of the church throughout England has been tulmultuous yet inspiring. We have seen beautiful cathedrals and landmarks that catapult us through time. Today is our 6th day here and today's focus for our daily reflection is forgiveness. We are visiting Coventry Cathedral which in World War II was bombed and all that was left was a shell and a spire. The city Coventry was probably targeted due to its high volume of armaments, munitions, aircraft, and aero-engine plants. Today the words "Father forgive" are carved in stone behind the alter of the mediaeval cathedral and the cathedral has been a center of prayer and world peace.

Forgiveness is a touchy subject and one that is not often talked about. I remember the words of Jesus when he was talking about a woman who was cleaning his feet. He said, "Those who are forgiven much love much and those who are forgiven little love little. When I think about my life and the many people I have hurt and the many people who had to live through my self-destructive path, I can't help think how much I have been forgiven. When I think about the many times I have felt the forgiveness of God and believed the forgiveness of God, I feel blessed but also guilt because I have a difficult time forgiving those who have offended me also the many times I have not forgiven myself. Forgiveness of self is one of the most difficult things to do. I often deal with this same concept with my clients. If we believe that God has forgiven us and that he would forgive us, what makes us think that we shouldn't forgive ourselves.

God is ultimate authority and when we don't forgive ourselves we are essentially saying that we know better than God. I am reminded of Dallas Willard when he says, "The greatest saints are not those who need less grace, but those who consume the most grace, those who are most in need of grace, who entire beings are saturated by grace, grace to them is like breath." God has reached out his loving hand to us and has told us in order to love you must experience the grace and forgiveness of the father. Our response is to accept this forgiveness and live as if we are forgiven. A few years ago an Amish school building was shot up by a belligerent man. School children were killed and injured. The Amish in response publicly announced that they forgive the man who did it because they believed that Christ would forgive him. If entire people groups and God himself can forgive, why can't I? What stops me from forgiving myself for my wrongdoings? Is it my ego? Is it my pride? Do I think that I am above wrongdoing and so therefore beat myself up when I do wrong?

This is a question that I plan on pondering for the day. I am hopeful that I will begin the process of forgiving myself and in turn being able to love how Christ loved. I hope that I can experience and accept the grace of God that is so freely given.