C'mon THINK!

I am a firm believer in living the holistic life. We are more than just our bodies, more than just our minds, more than just our spirits, in fact, we are all three, simultaneously attempting to understand our own existence. We spend most of our lives focusing on attaining happiness for just one part of us. There are some who will study study study so that their minds are completely saturated with knowledge in hopes of finding happiness for their minds. Others will live hedonistically in order to attain happiness for their bodies. And still there are some who spend their entire lives trying to reach some spiritual nirvana in hopes of finding happiness for their spirits. We search and search for something or someone or some state of being that will give us happiness and peace and comfort. I believe that having a balanced life is a combination of all three. Recognizing that the mind can be expanded and our knowledge can increase while realizing that to deny the body pleasure is to deny a very important part of being human. Searching for meaning and purpose in our lives opens the door for the spiritual world to come in and transform us bringing us closer to the divine that gives us life and breath. I believe it is of the utmost importance to recognize these aspects of the human and try and balance them in your life.

Now that I have explained my core belief about all parts of the human soul, I want to now just focus on the mind. The 1990's drug commercial echos in my ear "the mind is a terrible thing to waste" and "this is your brain" an egg is cracked open on a skillet that has not been heated, "this is your brain on drugs" the skillet is lit and the egg begins to fry, "any questions?" Yes, what if I like my eggs scrambled? The point is we have these powerful mega computers available at least 16 hours a day and for some strange reason we refuse to use them. Computers work primarily with logic, if you add two plus two you will get 4, its simple. Anything put in the computer will react with a logical response. If you press the power button the computer will respond either by turning on or turning off. If you are using a word processor and your hit the backspace button the cursor will move back a space. The computer reacts logically with your commands. Often times if there is a problem I have come to realize that its most the operator, not the computer. Also if your computer is not working properly (mostly dell computers) its because it has caught a virus of some sort which is usually because of the operator who was careless with his or her downloading. The movie "AI" is about a boy robot who wants to become real. The whole movie the little robotic boy is looking for the blue fairy from Pinocchio to turn him into a real boy. The creator of the little robotic boy tells him that he is as close to real as possible for a robot but the boy does not believe it. The difference between computers and humans is the fact that humans have emotions. Often times these emotions block the logical expressions from being completed.

I have been accused of not having any emotions. I have emotions but I rarely express them. I guess the reality is I will often reject my own emotional response because it does not conform to logic. This at times comes across as cold, hard hearted, and mean. To be honest, it is sometimes and I have often asked myself, "are you a sociopath?" "Do you and Dexter really have something in common?" The answer is no. I came to realize that although I don't express my emotions immediately in the moment, its not as if I don't have them but its more like I need to process them through my computer in order to accept whether or not they conform to reality. Its like sitting in a big room with a hundred other people. Across the room there is this guy who is sitting about forty feet away and as you are scanning the room you notice he is giving you dirty looks. It seems that he is staring at you and eyeing you up and down. You begin to get angry and indignant. You start to say to yourself, "Who is this guy eyeing me up and down?" Your anger begins to grow you start to get emotional and you get up and start charging at this guy. Before you know it your in a screaming match with some strange guy because you thought he was giving you dirty looks.

Now lets look at the scenario using logic. Your in this room and as your scanning the room you notice a guy looking in your direction. You don't know who he is, you have never seen him before. He is forty feet away so its difficult to really see what expression he has on his face but you can tell that he is looking in your direction. Instead of getting mad you think about the situation and look around you. You notice this beautiful woman sitting right behind you at a table. As you look at the guy you realize that it is not you he is looking at but this woman sitting behind you.

Looking at these two reactions to the same situation is, or at least should be, very revealing. So many times in life our emotions cloud our ability to think through a situation. We immediately allow our emotions to dictate our response to a specific circumstance and so many times this has caused our lives great pain and stress. If we would have taken a moment to actually use that powerful computer we call the mind we may have avoided an embarrassing and unnecessary moment.

Using the mind (logic) and experience is also a helpful way to live our lives. So many times I have heard that so and so is lying. I ask, "have they ever lied to you before?" "No!" "Have they ever given you a reason to think that they are lying?" "No!" "So why do you suspect that they are lying now?" "I don't know." Its like we have lost the ability to put the pieces together. In life we are given a giant puzzle and asked to use your minds and examine the pieces and see which ones actually fit together. So often in life we close our eyes and try to feel the sides of the pieces and put the puzzle together that way. It is difficult and unnecessary. Why dismiss a vital part of putting a puzzle together by forgetting to use our eyes? Why go through life operating with only one tool to put the puzzle together. I believe it is time we start to think. I believe it is time we start to recognize that our emotions are beautiful but dangerous. I believe it is time we learn to regulate our emotions by using our minds (logic) to recognize when our emotions are lying to us about reality.

A letter to Daniel F. Pasquale

Yo D,

Its been almost 7 full years since I have seen you and man have things changed. Since that unfortunate night when you decided to explore the world beyond the physical, I have encountered many positive and negative consequences to the life that we were living. The one thing you were right about was when you said, "Chris one day you'll stop," I did stop! The day that you told me that was the day that everything changed, and I made a decision (Thank God) to stop living the chaotic lifestyle of drugs.

Daniel you should have seen your goodbye party, man it was packed, there were lines all the way down the block just for you. So many people wanted to get one last glimpse of you before you disappeared. You know I saw so many people from our past. Kids we went to school with, teachers we had at Becton and Faust, D it was crazy. Yea people were crying and there was this one girl who crying all over you, that was a bit disturbing, but anyway so many people cared about you and really wanted to say goodbye. You always had the amazing ability to leave a lasting impression on people. It was your birthday the other day and there were some people that actually remembered even after all these years.

I wish you were around to see the way that things have turned out. Get this, Dad is remarried, Kelly lives in NJ, Mom lives in NJ, and I live in Florida and I am married. Crazy huh? I actually went back to college and got a degree and am working as an Addictions Counselor. You see after you left and, well, basically I had to figure out what the heck I was going to do with myself. I realized that the only way I was going to figure this whole life thing out was to go to school and find God again. Remember when I would always say that the only way to get out of this life was to go back to God and build a relationship with Him, well after you left I really did it. I got down on my knees and really turned it over to him. I started talking with Gerard every week, really, every couple of days and started going to church. It was exactly as I expected it to be.

Finding God really gave me some direction in life. It wasn't as if I had an epiphany or vision but I knew that whatever the outcome of school was going to be that God would guide and direct me. Well thats exactly what happened. Somehow I ended up helping addicts get through their addiction. I didn't plan for this to happen, I really didn't, but somehow it just happened. Get this remember when you were in Florida for that short time, well I actually went their looking for a job a couple of weeks ago. It was kinda funny walking into that building, I remember going to the family day or something while you were there.

Daniel there is so much that I could tell you about life nowadays. It is so different! The hunt is over, the depression is over, the hopelessness is over, the pain is over, the lostness is over, Daniel life actually is amazing! I enjoy my life so much, now its not perfect and sometimes things aren't exactly the way I want them but the simple fact that I do not have to face the difficulties of life with that monkey on my back is so freeing. I have never felt so free in my life. I wish you were here to experience this kind of life. I sometimes sit and just cry thinking about the fact that you are missing so many wonderful experiences and that you never found this peace while you were with us here. I know that you have that peace now and one day I will see you again to experience it with you.

Chris

Failure is Fundamental

Yesterday I failed. Yesterday I did not practice what I so often preach. Yesterday was a fundamental day for growth. I did not realize that it was a day for growth until this morning while I was running a group. Every morning the group that I run reads from the Just for Today daily meditation. Todays meditation was "The relief of 'letting go and letting God' helps us develop a life that is worth living." Yesterday I I did not let God at all. Yesterday I was angry and frustrated with life. Yesterday morning I woke up and as normal fed the dogs. When I went to fill up their water for the morning I realized that the water was not coming out of the faucet with any pressure. I didn't think anything of it and continued with my daily routine. When I returned from playing fetch with guinness I went to fill up his bowl again and now nothing was coming out of the faucet. I quickly went and checked the bathroom faucet and nothing the shower, nothing. We had no water coming into our house. That mean no toilet either. I thought now what.

Our house uses well water and so there is pump and a water filtration system located just outside of the house. When I went out there I noticed that the water tank was empty and the pressure gauge showed there was not pressure. I realized at that moment the problem was probably the pump. I called a company to give me a free estimate because my landlord was not answering his phone and neither was his wife. Each moment I did not have water I was getting more and more frustrated. When this company came to give me a quote they told me that it would be 14 hundred dollars. I found that strange because when I looked up prices for new pumps I found some for about 2 hundred dollars. Well I knew that I couldn't have anyone do anything until I talked with the landlord and I still hadn't heard from him.

We decided to go to the movies and go food shopping and wait for the landlord to call me back so he can do whatever he needed to do. Well to make a long story short I did not hear from him until I called him again at 10 o'clock this morning. Well the interesting thing is that my first group of the day I read the mediation to a group of guys and we discussed letting go and letting God. During and after I realized that I had failed at the very thing that I was teaching to someone else. Letting go and letting God is very simple but complex at the same time. Letting go and letting God means that you leave all the uncontrolable things in your life in his hands. I could not control the water or the fact that I couldn't reach my landlord. Although I thought of many ways that I could find him but going to his house, calling the church he goes to, even looking up on the internet to find out if he had any family in the area. I wanted to control the situation but it was one that was completely out of control and the only thing I could control, my attitude, I did a terrible job. I wasted an entire non-work day frustrated rather than soaking in the quiet non-work time with my wife.

Today I apologized to her for allowing this uncontrolable thing to control me. My plan is to wake up each day and repeat that very simple statement. Today I will let go and let God.

Practice Makes Perfect

Practice Practice Practice... These are the words that are echoing in my mind every day. I need to practice self control, I need to practice love, I need to practice mediation, I need to practice exercise, I need to practice eating healthy, I need to practice reading, I need to practice sleeping, I need to practice practice practice, but why? Why are these things so important? Why is practice necessary for the things listed above?

The reason for practice is so that one can get better at something. I remember this going back to my days of playing baseball. Just before our season would start the coach would call and say that we are going to start practicing two days a week in order to get ready for the season. Each practice we would hit, run, throw, learn signs, and go over scenarios so that we would be prepared if they happened in a game. Since I was one of the pitchers, the catcher and I would go over our own signs for each pitch that I threw. I remember I was 14 or 15 and our team had a new coach. As a kid having a new coach was always hard. You never knew what kind of coach he would be and whether he would be hard (which isn't bad) or too soft (which is bad) on the team. Well this coach and his style is forever etched into my memory. He may not realize but he made such a lasting impression on me. He took time teaching me very important skills about pitching a baseball. I remember one day he was teaching me how to throw from the stretch, which is used when someone is on base, over and over and over again. He would practice the same thing until the whole team go it down. He helped me understand that importance of practice and what the results can be. That year our team won the championship and I received the M.V.P plaque. If it was not for this coach pushing us to practice everyday and not give in to our tiredness or youthful immaturity in not understanding why we kept doing the same thing, we would not have been able to win that year. This coach seemed to understand the reason why practicing was so important and necessary to be successful. If he ever reads this I want him to know that he has always been someone I looked up to.

In trying to become more like Jesus I need to practice the things that he lived out each day. I have tried to become more focused on his teachings and his actions in order to put others before myself, take good care of myself, and spend more time listening to what God has to say to me. How have I done? If I honestly critique the last couple of weeks in practicing more of this Jesus lifestyle... well... Its been ok, maybe a 40/60 split with Jesus at 40 and the rest of the time 60. I will be practicing, waking up early, reading, meditating, exercising, loving, eating healthy, and going to bed earlier each day, sometimes I will fail, I did not win every game I pitched but when I did lose I did not let that stop me. Even to this day I play old mans softball because of the love I have for the game, I will now show my love for Jesus by practicing and living a life that mirrors his.

Life is Fragile

I wake this morning with the gruesome images of the fatal accident Teresa and I witnessed flashing through my mind. Yesterday started as a gloriously beautiful day filled with fun and relaxation. We walked around the our town and took in the sun and sights of a bustling little city near the sea. We had a wonderful healthful lunch poolside as our dogs enjoyed the water and the rawhide meat sticks. We planned on attending a movie at The Palace Theatre in Boca Raton, we even splurged and bought balcony extra large seat seating. All day we talked of our decision to move to South Florida and how thankful we were for things falling into place after our daring decision to up and move 1200 miles away from home. It was such a pleasant day and we looked forward to a wonderful evening at the movies.

At around 5:46 pm we were on our way to the theatre and stopped at a red light heading west towards the movie theatre. Off to the left of us three people were riding their bikes east towards the ocean. In a flash a car traveling at a high speed south flew through the intersection and all of a sudden we heard screeching tires, saw white smoke, and heard a large crash as if two cars collided. We saw something fly into the air and hit the ground. I looked over at Teresa and she said, "that was a person." I jumped out of the car and pulled out my cell phone and started running towards the body that lay lifeless in the middle of the road. I am connected with the local police and they start asking questions, "Is the person breathing? Who is screaming in the background? Can you tell me the license plate number of the car? Chris I am going to need you to take control of the situation until the police arrive!" During the questioning by the police officer I was running back and forth, checking the body, getting the license plate number, telling cars to pull off the road and staring at my wife as we stand next to a seemingly dead body and hearing the screams of a young woman "my husbands dead! He's my whole world! What am I going to do now? Oh my God, Oh my God, no no please don't die!" At that moment a man on bicycle rides up and he is an ER doctor and he is checking his pulse and from the looks of the doctor he could not find one. At that moment the police arrive and a few moments later the paramedics. The police ask all of us to move to the side since we are witnesses, they are going to need our statements. The rest of the night was filled with retelling the story to different investigators and signing witness statements.

Unfortunately this is not the first time I was the first on scene during a fatal accident. During one of my drives to Florida with a friend of mine and my father, we witnessed a car flipping in the middle of the air heading north on I-95. We immediately pulled to the middle of the median and ran to the scene as I called 911 from my cell phone. As I reached the vehicle explaining to the dispatcher where the accident happened I saw one woman in the passenger seat moaning in agony from the pain she said she was having. As I focused my eyes to the driver I realized that this woman driving had lost her life as her body lay limp and her eyes open but nothing was present. Two other people were ejected from the car and as I explain again to the dispatcher the scene of the accident he explains that the two ejected need to be held down so they do not hurt themselves more by moving. Holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder I hold the man down by pressing on his chest and softly saying, "sir please don't move, help is on the way." After the paramedics showed up I went back over to the car and the lady who was moaning in pain asked if I could call her son who was graduating college that day and let him know that she was in a car accident. This was not something that I really wanted to do but I felt that it would only be right if I did. I called this young man and let him know, I informed him of the location and he thanked me and I hung up. Moments later we got back in our car and continued to drive south towards our destination. I can still see the whole accident in my mind as if it just happened.

Last nights traumatic event leaves me with many existential questions. It also leaves me realizing how fragile life is. In just an instant so many people were affected by a single incident. A wife is now a widow, a driver is now a killer, 8 other people, including Teresa and I, are witnesses of a gruesome death that will forever stay with us. Why? All the little events that brought together a group of people to that location at that time is certainly unexplainable. I could sit for hours and try to find an answer for my question of why but in reality I am sure I will never know. What I can do is look at what the incident has taught me or showed me or enlightened me about life.

As I think about that young woman who lost her husband in an instant, I realize how it is so necessary to cherish every moment with my wife. Unfortunately tomorrow isn't promised to us and so for today I will cherish her love, her smile, her laughter, her compassion, her passion. I will take advantage of the moments that we have together and give her all my love at each moment.

As the image above says, Life is Fragile Handle with Prayer, I have made a decision even before last night to spend more time in prayer. I pray for the safety of my family but I also pray for me to love my wife to the fullest. This morning I pray for the family of the young man who left his body last night and entered into eternity. I pray for the witnesses who will forever have the horrid pictures tattooed into their memories, I pray for the driver who will have the guilt of killing an innocent man.

As the Son Rises

The past two days I decided that I would start them by going to the beach around 6am and watch the sun rise of the atlantic. Some of my friends have said that I am crazy because I wake up before the sun does and do various things. For some reason I am a person that doesn't need any more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep. If I go to sleep at 10 I am up by 3 or 4. If I go to sleep at 12 I am up at 5 or 6. It is something that has been going on with me since I was really young. I remember sleeping at friends houses was the worst. They would sleep till about 12 and I would be up at 6 just laying there, a couple of times I tried to get my dad to pick me up or something but when I couldn't it was painful to lay there and do nothing for that long. Anyway, I woke up and decided that I would spend my mornings on the beach watching the sun rise while listening on my IPhone the bible. I chose to listen to the book of John. With darkened skies the deep voice comes through my headphones saying, "In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God." My eyes start to water and chills run up and down my body. The thought of Jesus, the one who was there at the beginning of time and was behind creation, while sitting there watching this giant force, the sun, come above the horizon and bring light to the earth was emotional and existential.

The imagery of a sun rising up and giving the world light and newness of life is something that almost automatically draws me to Jesus. Lets think about it for a moment... Jesus was crucified and rose from the dead and brought newness of life to all mankind. He told his disciples that he was the light of the world. It seems pretty simple to put the pieces together and recognize that from the creation itself, God was giving us glimpses of his beautiful gift to all mankind.

This is my first try at real meditation. I have the words of scripture in my ears and the sun or son in my eyes. I spend the time praying and listening to what God is trying to say to me. Meditation is an ancient practice that is very difficult for someone like me. Teresa always tells me that I am A.D.D. because I can run around like crazy and constantly be doing something. So for me meditating very difficult to focus my mind and be calm and quiet and just listen to God. My plan is to do that at least twice a week.

Please pray that I would continue to make this routine

How's that humble pie?

What does it mean to be humble? What does it mean to accept the possibility that you may be wrong? Humility is not something that a lot of us are accustomed to, we don't like it and we want none of it. Humility is about acceptance and honesty, humility is about seeing beyond your own scope and recognizing that there may be more to something than you can see. Humility is knowing your place in the world and accepting it. We expect children to be humble and listen to what we tell them because we are older and we know more, we expect our subordinates at our jobs to be humble because we are the managers and supervisors, sometimes we expect our spouse's to be humble because we know more about a specific subject than they do, we expect humility from other people, but rarely do we practice this principle in our own lives.

The apostle Paul wrote, "the man who thinks he knows something does not yet know what he should know." We are a people who claim to know everything. We have all the information we can possibly want right at our fingertips. If I want to know what the year 200 b.c was like all I need to do is press a couple of keys and there it is, if I want to know who won the olympic games 40 years ago, its easy to find. In our world knowledge and information is so easy to acquire that we have all, in our own minds, become experts on any topic. The problem with this is that in reality we are not experts. We base most of what we know on google searches and wiki answers. We have not done the real work of study needed to become experts in anything.

Socrates said, "the only thing I know is that I know nothing." Socrates was a great teacher who using his own method. When someone came to him and asked him a question, Socrates would often ask a question back to the person and allow the person to come to the answer on his own. We call this the Socratic Method. Socrates believed that the answers to questions we hidden deep in the person and that he needed to do was allow them to see that they had the answer already. He would cause people to think and use their rational faculties in order to come to an understanding of things. Jesus often used this method (although I don't think he would have called it the Socratic Method) often with those that would listen to him speak. Someone would ask him a question and he would tell a story and then ask a question to the questioner. Asking questions to me is a sign of humility, it points to the fact that you don't know something but you believe the someone else might.

I believe that asking questions is a vital part of spiritual growth. When we want to understand something on a deeper level we ask questions in hopes that we will find the deeper meaning. Unfortunately asking questions in certain settings has been deemed inappropriate. What if you were sitting in church one day and the preacher says something that you didn't understand or even agree with? Would you just sit there and accept what he said or would you go up and ask him afterward to further explain? If you leave church that day without getting any clarification, then either you ignored him and kept thinking the way you want (not humble) or you just believed what he said and threw out your own understanding (not humble). In my understanding the best thing would be to go and speak to the person and ask questions. The person speaking may have more insight for you to better understand and so its possible that you may learn something new. Or maybe you may have more insight than that person and that person may learn something new.

Humility is not throwing away all your knowledge and experience, humility is recognizing that you may not know everything. Wisdom is combining what you have experienced and what information you have studied and conversing with those who have experienced and studied other things. Can you imagine if we were more open to others in our daily lives? Can you imagine what we can learn and what we can accomplish by pooling all the experience and knowledge around us?

I wonder what church would look like if we didn't have all these denominational splits. I wonder what would happen if we opened the doors to new ways of worship and study. I wonder if we are missing an experience with God because the name above the door to our church is different than the one down the road.

About 5 years ago I was exposed to a very different type of worship. I had never been to a Pentecostal church before and didn't know what to expect. As I sat in the seats listening to the loud music, watching people dance waving flags, trying to understand the people prostrating themselves, I prayed to God. I prayed that He would allow me to see the beauty in this form of worship and push out all my presuppositions and beliefs that the way I do it, in my church, is the only way it can be done. That prayer has been repeated many times over the last 5 years. It was a piece of humble pie that I needed to eat. I believe that piece of pie forever changed my life and has opened me up to the God is not boxed into my own understanding. God does not belong in our boxes, he doesn't belong in any box or confined space, so why do we try and put him there?

Still Looking for That Perfect Mirror

Reading... Thinking... Reading... Thinking...

My reading's lately have led me to think about a time about 25 years ago where my thinking began. About two weeks ago my father and I drove down to Florida to make my final move to the Sunshine State. It was a great ride. Although long and tiresome I have made that drive with my father so many times and each time and deeper bond is formed with him. My father has not only been my father but a real friend to me over the years. We communicate (as typical father and son) well together and we are not afraid to say whats on our minds. He critiques me, I critique him, he praises me, I praise him. He has taught me a lot of things and I believe that I have taught him some things. Well during this last drive to Florida we talked about contemplation and I can remember the first time I ever really contemplated things. It was when I was about 5 or 6 and we were driving down to Florida as a family to visit relatives. I was sitting in the backseat and looking out the window. In a car driving next to us I saw a woman crying. At that moment my mind started to contemplate why she was crying and I realized something, I realized that I have no idea why she is crying and I will never know. I realized that there was an entire world out there that I would have no knowledge or information about. I realized that my little world that included close family and some friends was not the center of the world just a part of it. Ever since then I have been asking these questions for better or worse.

My close friends are the same way. I have a handful of people that I would consider not just friends but family and each of them share this problem. I call it a problem because it creates a lot noise in the mind. It is difficult to look around you without thinking about all the problems all the issues that are going unsolved and unnoticed. When I was in college and working on the student development team my boss always called me a critical realist. He said that I was cynical and I often saw the problems with everything. Even within the different companies that I have worked I was called upon to make things better to see what the issues were and fix them. In some places I have been successful and in others I have not. The one place where I see failure all the times is in my own life and spiritual quests. I have a hard time seeing the problem and when the problem is pointed out I have an even harder time trying to fix it.

I was listening to a children's book the other day called A King Without a Shadow and in the book this King tries to understand where shadows come from and so he asks the wise men in his court about them and they talk to him about mirrors. They tell him that although he can see his reflection thats all that it is and it is imperfect. Actually, they say, you can never see yourself perfectly and you can never see yourself as other people see you. So when you are trying to change something about yourself, it seems to be best to ask for help.

King David wrote, "Search me oh God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there be any wicked way in me and lead me to the way of everlasting."

These last couple weeks of just moving to Florida and spending my mornings reading that thinking has led me back to this place. I want to be stretched in my life, I want to move forward I want to be better than I was yesterday and tomorrow I want to be better than I was today. I need help. I need the help of God and I need the help of others, I need to stay thinking and contemplating my life and the world around me. I need to notice things and keep my eyes open instead of walking around half asleep to others and myself.

I am thankful for my wife and the friends that I have, I am thankful for my father and the rest of my family who are so open with me and willing (sometimes a little to willing) to let me know what they see in me. I am thankful that God has a relationship with me and treats me as my friends and family treat me. He is willing to show me what I am to blind to see. Even though I consider myself a thinker and one who is willing to contemplate the big picture, I am still in need of others.

LOVE... Who needs it anyway...?

Love... so tricky, loaded, confusing, and hurtful yet, beautiful, breathtaking, desirous, and life changing. Love is one of those words that is not said enough but it is also said too much. We use the word to describe the woman or man who has found a way to alter your entire perception of the world but, in the same breath we will use the word to describe our favorite candy at the movie theatre. Love has been used as the reason to feed millions of homeless starving children around the world, yet its often used as an excuse to murder an entire family. Churches and religious people describe themselves as a light to show the world the love of God and then some will turn around and condemn an entire group of people without a second thought.

So really what is love and do we really need it?

Honestly the first thing I think of when I think of love is Jesus. Yesterday we talked about living as he lived and when we read about Jesus we see that he lived his live lovingly. He would hang around the people that others deemed inappropriate, dirty, less than human. Somebody actually stated that he was a drunk because of all the parties and dinners he went to with this grimy people. Jesus always showed love and right there, I think, is the definition of love.

Love is action, love is movement, love is letting go of self, love is putting others before you, love is getting rid of pride and surrendering yourself to someone else. Love is often defined as a feeling, its the butterflies in your stomach or the mesmerizing state when you see that person that takes your breath away. All these reactions to someone or something are valid and true but I just have a hard time believing that it is love. Love is determined by a decision. We decide that we are going to love. Some would even say that when you have a child you automatically love that child. This is, again, untrue, every mother makes a decision to love that child it does not automatically happen. The reason I know this is because if you look around and listen to the news you see people doing terrible things to their children. I just heard a story about a woman who beat her child to death but just to make sure she held that child under water for a few minutes. Does it seem that that mother automatically loved her child or did she make a decision to not love the child? This again leads me to believe that love is action and its a decision we make.

So why make the decision to love? Do we need love to survive? I am a firm believer that making a choice to love is something that keeps the human race going. There is so much hate in the world and if there was no love I don't believe I would be even able to sit here and type what I am typing, we probably would have been extinct a long time ago. The action of love that Jesus showed the world during his short life on earth is something that I want to know more about. How did he find it in his heart and his hands to love certain people. I mean if we look at the story of his life and death closely, he went around helping so many people and in the end most wanted him dead. He would go from village to village allowing the children to come to him, he would sit and eat and talk with the people most would turn away from. He told stories to people helping them to understand the importance of love and living that decision of love out in your everyday life.

Love... Who needs it? I do! I must make a conscious decision each day to love those around me. I must be willing to put others needs before myself. I must be willing to go beyond the conventional understandings of love and preserve its true meaning by living a life of love.

Practicing the Way of Jesus

Two times in the last two days I have read people say that they do not want to be called "christian" anymore. These two people have stated that unfortunately around the world, including, here in America, the label christian comes with a lot of negative connotation. I partly believe this to be true. I am not a world traveler so I can not speak in global terms but in my studies and conversations with people the word "christian" does carry a significant amount of baggage. I think for too long we have moved away from the true practices of the first century men and women who followed the way of Jesus. The word Christian actually means as an adjective, of or pertaining to, or derived from Jesus Christ or his teachings. It seems to me that his teachings at times get lost in all the religiosity of the church. Please don't misunderstand me, I love the church, I believe the church to be a vital part of following Jesus, I believe that the church, when moving in the right direction, is the catalyst for so many to come to an understanding of who Jesus is and how Jesus can transform your life. Again I say, unfortunately, for so long a different message has been preached from the pulpits.

Today's reading focused on what it means to be a disciple of Jesus in contrast to a member of the christian religion. I believe that the two can actually be the same when the focus of christianity is to be a disciple. If you look through history the practice of making disciples was very popular. When someone seemed to have something that others wanted or proved to be an excellent leader there were always others who wanted to follow in that persons footsteps. Socrates had Plato, Plato had Aristotle, and Aristotle had Alexander the Great. The passing on of wisdom and skills and beliefs is we should all be desirous of. Jesus used this method to spread his words and deeds. He told the disciples to go out and make more disciples and teach them what I have taught you.

So I pose this question, have the true teachings of Jesus been passed down through the ages to our generation?

To answer that question I guess I would need to take a survey.

One can read Matthew 5 and 6 to see some of the teachings of Jesus.

I can answer for myself. I on the whole do not follow the teachings of Jesus. I have a desire to do so but often fail. The idea of loving enemies, giving to the poor, letting go of my pride, being humble, being content, being restful, praying, meditating, not being angry, treating everyone with respect, etc are enormously difficult especially within the culture that we are in. See I think the struggle for me is the fact that I try to do these things without actually following Jesus. I try to do these things without actually being on the path with Jesus. I often try and follow him in my own strength. I need to let go.

Being a disciple means following along. See that is the difference between being a disciple and being an employee. When a boss tells you to go and do something you go and do it and often you accomplish that task on your own. Being a disciple is different. Being a disciple means walking next to the one your following. It means doing as that person does. As a disciple you are not on your own, your not all alone. Even as Jesus sent out his disciples he ended his statement by saying, "I will always be with you." So maybe if I instead walk with Jesus and do as he does I may be able to transform and actually be more like him. I may be able to practice the type of lifestyle he did, I may be able to have a relationship with God on the level that he did, I may even be able to love others the way that he did.

Prayer: God I ask that today you would allow me to follow Jesus. God I ask that you would help me to let go of my own pride and allow me to just follow instead of trying to lead all the time.

The Genesis of Practice

In this chapter of the Finding Our Way Again Mclaren points to the fact that the ancient practices of the three major religions can be seen to begin with Abraham. In fact Judaism, Islam, and Christianity look at Abraham as the father of their particular religion. The ancient practices that are going to be discussed over the next year are pilgrimage, fasting, sacred meal, common prayer, giving, Sabbath, and liturgical year. Each practice has a book dedicated to it in this series of books. Again my plan is to read through each one of them and interact not only in written word but also in action.

I want to put my thoughts into action. In many ways I have, for some, I am proud, for others, not so proud. But that is the journey of life. Journey is an interesting concept. Are you journeying through life? Do you recognize that life is a journey? I see life as a journey, or as used above, a pilgrimage. In life we set goals for ourselves and then we do our best to achieve those goals. These goals are pretty typical, house, family, retirement package, travel, etc. These are great goals. I have some of those myself. But, what about the goals that you can not see i.e. happiness, joy, peace, love, and gratitude. These goals are too often linked to the previous goals. Often what I have found and read when men and women look back on their lives the things that meant most to them were the latter goals. The houses and money and retirement packages were nice but they didn't bring what they really wanted.

For me, my journey and goals are going to consist of desiring both, but most important the things that cannot be seen. My thought is if I can not find those things that make the soul feel alive how will I ever really enjoy the things that make the body feel alive. If I am dead on the inside, how can I be alive on the outside.

It reminds me of Dorian Gray, in the story by Oscar Wilde, Gray's physical appearance never changes. Dorian recognizes that his beauty and his charm can get him anything he wants, so lives a scintillating life filled with serving the physical desires. One day he notices this painting on the wall and recognizes the face although it is old and decrepit. It was himself he saw in the painting only thing was the painting took all the results of his lifestyle. Hating himself and ignoring the priests suggestion he stabs the painting with his knife, and this in fact kills him because although he looked pleasant and pleased on the outside his true decaying portrait was his real self.

I wonder what my true self looks like? I wonder how much damage I have done over the years of gratifying selfish pleasures and focusing on what is seen rather putting my focus and attention on what is most important? I think for me this should be a daily question. As I think through ancient practices and apply them to my life, I should be asking the simple question of what is my goal? what do I want out of this? Who and What am I seeking?

Why even care about spiritual practices

Brian McLaren wrote, “You can’t take an epidural shot to ease the pain of giving birth to character. In a sense, every day of your life is labor: the rhythmic agony of producing the person who will wake up in the your body tomorrow, creating your reputation, continuing your legacy, and influencing your family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and countless strangers, for better or worse. It is questionable whether you can ever be exactly the same person for two consecutive days: what today throws at you will force you to become better or bitter for tomorrow; it will push you toward breakdown or breakthrough, nudge you a step closer to courage, nobility, charity, integrity, and honor... or otherwise.

It seems to me that working on my character is not top priority. Growing up some of the most important things in life consisted of being tough, being cool, having money, having clothes, and fresh pair of kicks. None of those things actually prepare you for the real world. In my estimation the real world is not the world filled with meaningless jobs, meaningless conversations, and meaningless relationships. The world is much bigger and deeper. We tread mostly on the top soil of the world. We focus on the exterior rather reaching the depths where real sustenance begins. We must get to the root.

I believe that spiritual practices will bring us to that place. “Spiritual practices are actions within our power that help us narrow the gap. They help us become someone weighty, someone worthy of a name and reputation, someone who makes survival worthwhile by turning life’s manure into fertilizer.”

In my life I have had to deal with some manure. Some has stayed manure and others I have turned into fertilizer. The recognition that I have manure is the first step towards changing it. I feel so often that I have allowed my pride and my insecurities to prevent me from changing and morphing some of that manure. If you are walking down the road or in some field and you are watching the ground you can notice if someone has not picked up after their dog and you can avoid it. The problem is for me so often I am looking in the wrong direction and I step right in it (its probably one of my dogs anyway). I am not aware enough. I am not willing to look hard enough probably because of fear, fear of what I might find.

I need to alter my vision. I need to focus on what is important in life. There is a deep longing to be connected to something bigger than myself. Many people in history have felt that longing and have used spiritual practices to satisfy that longing, to find that connection, to identify what is most important in life.

Prayer: God I ask that you will open my eyes and allow me to see, I ask that you will open my ears and allow me to hear. As I practice these principles and and allow your spirit to guide and direct me, open my heart to your beauty, open my heart to what is important in this life.

Searching For An Everyday Sacredness

My desire for this journey is to have a way of life not just a system of beliefs. In the first chapter of Finding Our Way Again McLaren discusses the need to find the sacredness in our everyday lives. It seems to me that this desire is one that comes with a cost. The cost is actually recognizing who I am and how I view the world. I say this comes with a cost because anytime I do a self reflection or analyzation of my way of thinking I come across things that I am not proud of. This is a necessary step in opening myself up to the Divine and allowing him to form my beliefs about the world and about myself. At the end of the chapter there are questions that Brian poses the induce this self reflections. I will paraphrase the questions:

1. Through your faith journey think about whether you were living with a system of beliefs or did you have a way of life.

I can say that I most assuredly had a system of beliefs. Everything in my view ever since I was a child was a black and white issue. I really never thought about Christianity in a real way. I just saw things as, you believe this and this is what happens. It was mostly about not sinning and going to heaven so as to not be "Left Behind". As a young child I actually had a moment where i thought i was left behind. I woke up one Sunday afternoon to find myself alone in the house. I became frantic because I could not find any of my siblings or my parents. I honestly believe that I was left behind, the rapture had come and I didn't make it in. I started to call everyone i knew but no one was answering the phone. I even read some of the names in my mothers phone book and decided not to call because i didn't know if they were really Christians. I remember being so scared that I would have to avoid getting a mark and run to the mountains. A few minutes later my father walks in and all was OK. My point in telling this story is that it was never a way of life it was always just a system of beliefs. This is why I am taking this journey I want God to infuse me with his Spirit to the point where i am living through Him every moment.

2. There seems to be a cold war between science and religion, which side do you find yourself on?

I actually find myself in the middle of this cold war. I do not remember what author made this statement but it went something like this: During the Enlightenment man replaced God and science replaced religion. I believe this to be true. I think what has happened is that the scientists have found some interesting things about the worlds past and present and the religious people are scared their findings might mess with some of their core fundamental beliefs. Anytime our core beliefs are scrambled we tend to react and in our reaction cause a rift in relationships. I find myself in the middle on this subject. I believe that God has given some the ability to understand the way things work and how certain things in the world and creation cause other things to happen. Instead of thinking that it is removing God I would rather say that it points to God. I am not a scientist but I am a lover of creation and if the scientist is able to give me glimpses of how the Divine put the world together, I am all for it.

3. Reflect on your ideas of a "fusion between the sacred and the secular."

I believe that in order for us to find this everyday sacredness it is imperative to see God in all that is around us. Is it possible for God to do a work through something that is not "Christian"? God is present everywhere, and that means that we will see glimpses of Him all around us. We must be open to the possibility of God in all things. I have seen clearly non-christian people do amazing things for others. Does that make what those people done any less amazing or loving or good? Absolutely not, to me it points to the fact that God is at work around us and his Spirit is doing things that we can not even begin to understand. Jesus tells Nicodemus that the Spirit is like the wind when it blows we don't know where it is coming from. I think that finding everyday sacredness is being open to the Spirit and its movements even outside of us and in the most seemingly unlikely places.

McLaren suggests ending with a prayer:
Father I look to you for guidance, I look to you for wisdom, I look to you for a way of life that is pleasing to you. Lord I want to take this journey with you looking for ways to better live my life and learn from your spirit. I believe that you have a desire to teach me so many things and in turn use me to teach others. I pray that I will be open and consistent. I pray that I will be willing to listen to the hard things. I pray that I will be able to listen at all. Lord I just commend this journey to you and pray that you will keep me going. In Jesus name Amen.

Reasoning

I have a few different reasons for this blog. I am moving to Florida in 9 days and I have set goals for myself while I am in Florida that surround writing, reading, and continuing my studies in theological ideas.

1. Over the past 5 years I have been preaching at my church and other various churches which I am sure I will not be able to do right away in Florida. I think that reading and studying and then writing about it will be another way for me to preach. I believe that God has given me the ability to listen to what his Spirit is saying and then pass that message on to others around me.

2. Another goal that I have set is to read each of the books in the Ancient Practices Series. Phyllis Tickle is the General Editor and some of the books are written by authors such as Brian McLaren, Dan Allender, and Scot McKnight. These books focus on things such as fasting, praying, and keeping the Sabbath. My plan is to write something after each paragraph.

3. My final goal is to put into practice what I am reading.

In the opening book Finding Our Way Again Brian McLaren tells the story of Dr. Peter Senge and how McLaren had to interview him. Dr. Senge asked a room full of pastors why Buddhism was more popular than Christianity. McLaren turned the question around to him and Dr. Senge's response was what moved me to rethink "my" Christianity, he said, "I think it's because Buddhism presents itself as a way of life, and Christianity presents itself as a system of beliefs. So I would want to get Christian ministers thinking about how to rediscover their own faith as a way of life, because that's what people are searching for today. That's what they need most."

I do believe that I need to listen to Dr. Senge's advice. I am excited to go on this journey and I welcome any and all comments about what was written or if you are feeling the same way.
I pray that God will use this adventure as a way of bringing me closer to him and possibly blessing other people.