Tuesday, December 8, 2009

C'mon THINK!


I am a firm believer in living the holistic life. We are more than just our bodies, more than just our minds, more than just our spirits, in fact, we are all three, simultaneously attempting to understand our own existence. We spend most of our lives focusing on attaining happiness for just one part of us. There are some who will study study study so that their minds are completely saturated with knowledge in hopes of finding happiness for their minds. Others will live hedonistically in order to attain happiness for their bodies. And still there are some who spend their entire lives trying to reach some spiritual nirvana in hopes of finding happiness for their spirits. We search and search for something or someone or some state of being that will give us happiness and peace and comfort. I believe that having a balanced life is a combination of all three. Recognizing that the mind can be expanded and our knowledge can increase while realizing that to deny the body pleasure is to deny a very important part of being human. Searching for meaning and purpose in our lives opens the door for the spiritual world to come in and transform us bringing us closer to the divine that gives us life and breath. I believe it is of the utmost importance to recognize these aspects of the human and try and balance them in your life.

Now that I have explained my core belief about all parts of the human soul, I want to now just focus on the mind. The 1990's drug commercial echos in my ear "the mind is a terrible thing to waste" and "this is your brain" an egg is cracked open on a skillet that has not been heated, "this is your brain on drugs" the skillet is lit and the egg begins to fry, "any questions?" Yes, what if I like my eggs scrambled? The point is we have these powerful mega computers available at least 16 hours a day and for some strange reason we refuse to use them. Computers work primarily with logic, if you add two plus two you will get 4, its simple. Anything put in the computer will react with a logical response. If you press the power button the computer will respond either by turning on or turning off. If you are using a word processor and your hit the backspace button the cursor will move back a space. The computer reacts logically with your commands. Often times if there is a problem I have come to realize that its most the operator, not the computer. Also if your computer is not working properly (mostly dell computers) its because it has caught a virus of some sort which is usually because of the operator who was careless with his or her downloading. The movie "AI" is about a boy robot who wants to become real. The whole movie the little robotic boy is looking for the blue fairy from Pinocchio to turn him into a real boy. The creator of the little robotic boy tells him that he is as close to real as possible for a robot but the boy does not believe it. The difference between computers and humans is the fact that humans have emotions. Often times these emotions block the logical expressions from being completed.

I have been accused of not having any emotions. I have emotions but I rarely express them. I guess the reality is I will often reject my own emotional response because it does not conform to logic. This at times comes across as cold, hard hearted, and mean. To be honest, it is sometimes and I have often asked myself, "are you a sociopath?" "Do you and Dexter really have something in common?" The answer is no. I came to realize that although I don't express my emotions immediately in the moment, its not as if I don't have them but its more like I need to process them through my computer in order to accept whether or not they conform to reality. Its like sitting in a big room with a hundred other people. Across the room there is this guy who is sitting about forty feet away and as you are scanning the room you notice he is giving you dirty looks. It seems that he is staring at you and eyeing you up and down. You begin to get angry and indignant. You start to say to yourself, "Who is this guy eyeing me up and down?" Your anger begins to grow you start to get emotional and you get up and start charging at this guy. Before you know it your in a screaming match with some strange guy because you thought he was giving you dirty looks.

Now lets look at the scenario using logic. Your in this room and as your scanning the room you notice a guy looking in your direction. You don't know who he is, you have never seen him before. He is forty feet away so its difficult to really see what expression he has on his face but you can tell that he is looking in your direction. Instead of getting mad you think about the situation and look around you. You notice this beautiful woman sitting right behind you at a table. As you look at the guy you realize that it is not you he is looking at but this woman sitting behind you.

Looking at these two reactions to the same situation is, or at least should be, very revealing. So many times in life our emotions cloud our ability to think through a situation. We immediately allow our emotions to dictate our response to a specific circumstance and so many times this has caused our lives great pain and stress. If we would have taken a moment to actually use that powerful computer we call the mind we may have avoided an embarrassing and unnecessary moment.

Using the mind (logic) and experience is also a helpful way to live our lives. So many times I have heard that so and so is lying. I ask, "have they ever lied to you before?" "No!" "Have they ever given you a reason to think that they are lying?" "No!" "So why do you suspect that they are lying now?" "I don't know." Its like we have lost the ability to put the pieces together. In life we are given a giant puzzle and asked to use your minds and examine the pieces and see which ones actually fit together. So often in life we close our eyes and try to feel the sides of the pieces and put the puzzle together that way. It is difficult and unnecessary. Why dismiss a vital part of putting a puzzle together by forgetting to use our eyes? Why go through life operating with only one tool to put the puzzle together. I believe it is time we start to think. I believe it is time we start to recognize that our emotions are beautiful but dangerous. I believe it is time we learn to regulate our emotions by using our minds (logic) to recognize when our emotions are lying to us about reality.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A letter to Daniel F. Pasquale


Yo D,

Its been almost 7 full years since I have seen you and man have things changed. Since that unfortunate night when you decided to explore the world beyond the physical, I have encountered many positive and negative consequences to the life that we were living. The one thing you were right about was when you said, "Chris one day you'll stop," I did stop! The day that you told me that was the day that everything changed, and I made a decision (Thank God) to stop living the chaotic lifestyle of drugs.

Daniel you should have seen your goodbye party, man it was packed, there were lines all the way down the block just for you. So many people wanted to get one last glimpse of you before you disappeared. You know I saw so many people from our past. Kids we went to school with, teachers we had at Becton and Faust, D it was crazy. Yea people were crying and there was this one girl who crying all over you, that was a bit disturbing, but anyway so many people cared about you and really wanted to say goodbye. You always had the amazing ability to leave a lasting impression on people. It was your birthday the other day and there were some people that actually remembered even after all these years.

I wish you were around to see the way that things have turned out. Get this, Dad is remarried, Kelly lives in NJ, Mom lives in NJ, and I live in Florida and I am married. Crazy huh? I actually went back to college and got a degree and am working as an Addictions Counselor. You see after you left and, well, basically I had to figure out what the heck I was going to do with myself. I realized that the only way I was going to figure this whole life thing out was to go to school and find God again. Remember when I would always say that the only way to get out of this life was to go back to God and build a relationship with Him, well after you left I really did it. I got down on my knees and really turned it over to him. I started talking with Gerard every week, really, every couple of days and started going to church. It was exactly as I expected it to be.

Finding God really gave me some direction in life. It wasn't as if I had an epiphany or vision but I knew that whatever the outcome of school was going to be that God would guide and direct me. Well thats exactly what happened. Somehow I ended up helping addicts get through their addiction. I didn't plan for this to happen, I really didn't, but somehow it just happened. Get this remember when you were in Florida for that short time, well I actually went their looking for a job a couple of weeks ago. It was kinda funny walking into that building, I remember going to the family day or something while you were there.

Daniel there is so much that I could tell you about life nowadays. It is so different! The hunt is over, the depression is over, the hopelessness is over, the pain is over, the lostness is over, Daniel life actually is amazing! I enjoy my life so much, now its not perfect and sometimes things aren't exactly the way I want them but the simple fact that I do not have to face the difficulties of life with that monkey on my back is so freeing. I have never felt so free in my life. I wish you were here to experience this kind of life. I sometimes sit and just cry thinking about the fact that you are missing so many wonderful experiences and that you never found this peace while you were with us here. I know that you have that peace now and one day I will see you again to experience it with you.

Chris